Two Alternatives: Humor or Horror?
by okh-eshivar
Summary: What's better: The roof finally giving out below a Shunsui or the slashed body of the fellow shinigami crashing through the tatered remains of the Eighth Division office read the two and tell me which! Rated T for disturbing material and gore.


1PLEASE READ THIS FIRST PEOPLE!!

Hey everyone, I'm back with something a little different this time. I've recently started a new story and I'm debating whether it should be a comedy...or a horror. Weird, right? So I've put together the same little segment twice: one in humor form, and one in horror form. Judge which segment is better and let me know in a comment. Oh, and yeah, it's supposed to drop off abruptly in the end (heh heh). They're both the same part of the story, so they will probably mirror each other a bit. They may suck but hey, there is only so much a 13 year old like myself can do. Please remember to comment and tell me if this should be a comedy or a horror! (Either way it's probably going to be a multiple chapter story!)

Disclaimer: Ichigo would suffer one thousand violent, blood covered deaths if I was in charge. Of course, regardless, he already has on my watch. HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Nyah, don't judge.

The day began with such promise. Nanao had, after much bribery (as well as a fair amount of blackmail), finally convinced Rangiku to drop the subject of her...'extreme plainness'...as least until tomorrow. Today was too hectic to be contemplating trivial matters such as that. Paperwork was practically spilling off her desk in a small river. And her captain's? The same. Perhaps even worse since he met Rangiku and Ukitake for lunch a little over 45 minutes ago.

And that's when it happened.

At first the sound was no more than a slight creak in the plaster above her. Then the sound escalated from a creak into a crack, and white powder that had been shaken loose from within the increasingly large, abruptly formed manic curled in the air, the larger pieces of insulin falling onto her desk and catching her attention. The cloud of debris quickly grew larger as a more threatening amount of solid matter tumbled down onto her work, her desk, and her. The crack further developed into a gaping hole. Of course, she had no time to see the hole, but one can assume a six foot eleven, 287 pound man cloaked in flamboyant, eye-catching pink does not spontaneously appear in the air directly above one's head.

Almost immediately, Nanao's mind began to search her options a mile a second. A sharp blast of a condensed version of a recently discovered (by her) kidou spell would be more than able to deflect the falling body, but she hadn't yet mastered said move and was therefore at risk of utterly impaling both her captain and (consequently) herself as well. A quick dodge would have been the most preferable escape tactic but when you considered the height of his fall, the fact that he was most likely falling at a straight 180 degree angle, and his wind resistance level made a non-lethal dodge flat-out impossible. In a last ditch effort to protect herself from any fatal damage, she instinctively threw her forearms in front of her face, locked her jaw, and braced herself.

Yeah, great big load of crap that did.

The massive man crashed into her from above with speed that she was barely prepared for. It knocked her backwards into her chair, causing her neck to snap back and her head to slam into the wall behind her with almost enough force to knock her unconscious. She immediately grabbed for the source of the pain with both hands, holding it for several seconds to ease the sudden throbbing that surged through the back of her skull.

Okay, that one **hurt**. Nanao uttered an obscenity under her breath and spat out the first thing that came into her mind. Never a good thing to do when you're pissed.

"Kyoraku, you drunken lecher, what the hell did you do now!?"

She took in a sharp gasp and clasped both her hands against her lips as if to keep the insult from leaving her mouth in the first place. The motion was answered by what felt like a blow to the back of the head with a large stone. A barely audible moan escaped narrowly her slightly pursed lips as her palms swiftly returned to the back of her head. Apparently this small action claimed dominance over the hurtful words he normal would have reacted to childishly to. His swiftly rose from his crumpled position on top of her and pulled her into an abrupt and slightly awkward embrace.

"Nanao-chan! Are you alright? Did my inexcusable clumsiness cause your flawless body harm? Dear Kami I've just broken my best kept promise to myself! Sumimasen ga! Do you need immediate medical attention? Can you walk? Should I carry you to Unohana's?"

Similarly like the sudden fall that began this whole ordeal, she was unprepared for his concerned flurry of questions. He had even heard her pain provoked insult...? Had she even said it or was it just her utterly confused mind that led her to believe she had let that a comment like that slip...?

She tried her best to answer him. "I-I'm just a bit shaken, Taichou. And bruised. It's nothing a short amount of time can't heal. Forgive me for my incredibly degrading remark. It was uncalled for." Nanao dipped her head low and remained in that position for several long moments, wincing slightly as blood rushed to her cranium, putting pressure on her head wound. When she looked up he was staring at her deeply.

"Taichou?"

She heard him release a long, exaggerated sigh while puppy dog tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Suddenly he ran at her and wrapped his massive arms around her, sweeping her clear off the floor.

"Nyah, what would I do without my faithful and forgiving Nanao-chan? How I love you so!"

Her only response was a quick gasp and a sharp blush of crimson at the latter of his comments.

After he had released her and she had regained composure, one of his earlier remarks made itself noticed in her mind and had piqued her curiosity.

"Ano, Taichou?"

"Hmmm?"

"You said something before, something about a 'promise to yourself'. What exactly did you mean?"

He cocked his head to the side quizitively, like a curious little puppy pawing at a butterfly. Then realization kicked in. "Oh, that! Well, you see Nanao-chan, long ago, when you first became my lieutenant, I made two promises to myself. The #1 most important promise was that, no matter what, I would never, ever cause you any kind of deliberate harm, direct or indirect. And the second...", he paused just long enough to latch onto his lovely subordinate, but continued before she was able to protest. "The second was that I'd always protect you, even at the cost of my own life ."

This vow made her freeze for a moment and look up at the towering face of her captain. A long, somber smile was stretched lazily across its surface and his eyes seemed to be as deep as the ocean itself, except instead of water, they were full of sadness. He seemed to rid himself of that expression quickly, as if to avoid sending the wrong message. He shook it off and the mellow look vanished as soon as it had appeared.

He smiled big and swept her into his arms, carrying her bridal style out the door.

"C'mon, Nanao-chan! Let's get some lunch. I recently found a very nice restaurant in the west district that has the _best_ Ohagi."

"Ah–Taichou! I don't have time for this! Put me down this instant! This is not dignified!" she protested sourly. He pouted childishly with his lower lip, but did not release her as she had expected. Instead, he started running. _Fast. _

"Taichou–! What do you think you're doi–"

"Heh, sorry Nanao-chan, but I have given myself the duty of reminding you what the word 'lunch' means, and I intend to follow that code, even if I have to change the rules a little bit.

"Wha–"

Suddenly, his steps ceased their echoes off the walls of the outdoor division hallways, but not because he stopped running. On his last step he leaned into his leg, retracting it almost to its full extent, then snapped it forward, propelling himself (and her) into the air at full speed.

He laughed.

She screamed.

"TAICHOU WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

"Taking you out to lunch, just like I said. This way you'll be spared the embarrassment of having people seeing you in the arms of your handsome captain, and you'll have no choice but to stay in the arms of your handsome captain. It's a win-win!"

"Not exactly the words I'd use for it, sir!"

"What's the matter, Nanao-chan? I thought you'd like it better like this!"

He waited for a frosty response to crack from her pursed lips but received none. Instead, she clung to him, balling up handfuls of his cherry blossom pink hoari in her small, pale fists and leaning her forehead into his chest. She squeezed her eyes as tightly closed as possible and, much to his surprise, let out the tiniest of whimpers.

She was shaking too. Hard. And she almost seemed to be holding her breath. Her heart was pounding so hard that he could feel it's vibrations traveling all throughout her body, down to her long, elegant legs.

Uh-oh. Had he gone too far this time? Had he aggravated her to the point of exertion? Or perhaps she's...afraid of him? Shunsui's stomach twisted at the thought of his Nanao-chan fearing him. Of her forcing herself to be at his side for none other than duty . Maybe she was...

No. That couldn't possibly be it...or could it...?

"Ano, Nanao-chan? You're not afraid of heights, are you...?"

A/N: Okay, yeah, fine. So she was able to jump off a 1000 foot high cliff without difficulty. She's got a forced fear of heights where she only goes immobile when forced to face heights. Shut up.

Comment and get a free cookie. Don't comment and may you die a thousand deaths. May your stinking, rotting corpse burn in the fiery depths of hell for all eternity. (No pressure.)

Say tuned for the horror...


End file.
